The first kiss marks the moment when two people, standing at the precipice of friendship versus “something more,” take a leap of faith to fall over the edge into whatever that “something more” is. It’s an important moment because it shifts a relationship beyond friendship or platonic affection and into genuine romance. A kiss is an intimate gesture that communicates volumes in a way that words cannot – attraction, affection, tenderness, desire, pleasure, delight and so much more.
Beyond that, the quality of the kiss and the way you initiate it can tell your partner a lot about who you are romantically.
“A first kiss can be a deeply profound and memorable experience that serves as a positive touchstone throughout the relationship,” says Barbie Adler, the Founder and President of Selective Search, a leading national luxury matchmaking firm that has helped thousands of singles find lasting love. “Couples who have been together for decades often remember exactly where and when they had their first kiss. While a lot of this has to do with the particular person you share the moment with, there are some steps you can take beforehand to help guarantee that it will have that special magic.”
Having bad breath.
This might seem like an obvious point, but its importance can’t be overstated. When kissing, you want all of the focus to be on the sense of touch rather than taste or smell. Having fresh breath makes the kiss more pleasant for your date and shows forethought on your part. Whether or not you will be eating on the date, you should always give your teeth a thorough brushing beforehand and bring some mints or gum along just to be sure.
Having dry lips.
Having excessively dry lips is not a particularly flattering look, and it can be very uncomfortable and distracting for your partner. Fortunately, this is a simple problem to solve. Regardless of whether you habitually use some sort of moisturizer or lip balm, you should definitely use it on the days up to and including your date. Not only will having soft, moist lips spare your partner some discomfort, but it will add enjoyment to their experience.
Too intense.
A passionate kiss is a good thing, but “passion” too often gets confused with sheer force or intensity. If one partner is kissing too hard or too fast and barely giving the other a chance to breathe, the kiss can quickly turn unpleasant. “The best kisses are responsive to your partner and attentive to their reactions,” Adler points out. “This shows that you are addressing their wants and needs instead of just your own. A passionate musician doesn’t play fast and loud all the time but responds to the mood of the music — a good kisser is much the same way.”
Too much tongue.
Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to incorporating some tongue into their kissing. However, it’s universally true that you should never lead with your tongue. Using tongue right away can catch your partner off guard and even repulse them. A good kiss starts with the lips only and incorporates the tongue gradually, reacting to the mood and to how the other person is responding. A little tongue can really elevate the kiss, but less is almost always more.
Keeping your eyes open.
Most of us are familiar with this kissing faux pas from its use in movies and TV shows, where it’s often portrayed as a red flag. Regardless of how you are feeling, it’s usually interpreted as a sign that you are not fully immersed in the kiss, and it can be off-putting for your partner. Keeping your eyes closed heightens your awareness of your other senses, which actually makes the kiss more pleasurable for you. It helps create the feeling that you and your partner are in a world of your own, fully present with one another, which is the feeling that defines a truly great kiss.
While a stellar first kiss can help seal the deal when it comes to dating someone, a lackluster first kiss is by no means a dealbreaker.
“If you ever come away from a first kiss feeling like you’ve messed up, the best thing to do is simply to keep your head up, stay positive, and move on,” advises Adler. “If the rest of the date went well, there’s no reason to treat the moment of the kiss as a be-all-end-all. Instead, take some time after the date to think about what may have made it unsatisfying and what you could do differently next time.”
More often than not, it’s your own nerves that get in the way–next time, try to focus instead on the other person, and allow yourself to follow their lead. Once you’ve gotten more comfortable, consider taking the lead yourself, and then giving it back to them–it helps keep them guessing and keeps things exciting. Getting a sense of what their kissing style is and working to match it is a reliable way to make the second kiss be the one that really sends sparks flying.