Extreme Makeover. Remember the old Wall, the one that didn’t even show the author of the Wall post? Now it’s been nipped, tucked, and plumped up with every bit of your recent Facebook activity. In between the posts from friends, there are recent photos, status updates, new hobbies, links you’ve shared, videos you’ve liked, parties you’ll be attending, friends you’ve accepted. It knows more about you than you know about yourself. And it needs to be managed carefully.

Because whether you realize it or not (or like it or not), you’re going to get checked out. Creeped on. Stalked. Every guy you’re thinking about dating is going to research you, and your mini-feed is like Cliffs Notes for your crush. You might as well use this to your advantage.

Unfortunately, writing a good status update just doesn’t come naturally to some people. Here are some tips to make sure you get lots of “Likes.”

Keep it short.Take a note from Twitter and be brief. As for subject matter, post things you’re excited about or proud of. If a guy is just getting to know you, it’s important that he knows what’s important to you and what you stand for. It’s also good fodder for conversation later. He can leave a comment on the concert you just posted, and then he can take you to the concert in a month.

• A quick scan of your update should leave the impression that you’re cool, smart, and/or funny.But flat-out bragging or reminding everyone how hot you are in your status update is a huge turn-off. It’s OK to say you met a celebrity on a plane. It’s annoying to say he texted you later to have a threesome.
• Remember that sarcasm doesn’t always work online. You may think posting, “God I love Fox News” is clearly a joke, but your hardcore left-leaning new boyfriend might not.
• When Facebook asks, “What’s on your mind?” there are times when you just shouldn’t give an honest answer! Don’t post anything super personal (PMS does not belong here!) or depressing (no one likes a Facebook Debbie Downer). Remember, you’re clicking “Share,” not “Overshare.”
• Be sure to update your status a couple times a day.It’s tempting to act too cool for Facebook, but there’s no shame in using it every day! When you’re not on his homepage, you’re not on his mind. However, you don’t want to be alllll up in his News Feed; five posts a day is plenty — otherwise he may think you have no life.
• If you’re boring or frumpy or you work too much, try to come up with at least one decent update. And try your best to be interesting. Cause … he gets it. You have breakfast every day. Rather than focusing on activities, it’s good to pose questions or observations.
• If you’re not interesting, at least don’t be immature. Lay off the inside jokes, videos of cats, or updates of the silly things you are doing with your “besties.” (And don’t ever say “besties.”) An emoticon once in a while is OK — please use sparingly — but LOLs are not. Are you really laughing out loud as you tell the world you just gave your kitty a bath?
• We all know you’re popular with the gentlemen, so you don’t need to use your status update to incite jealousy. It usually just comes off as desperation. Don’t post that you’re on a date, unless it’s an event (a wedding, a baseball game). Even in that case, don’t mention that it’s with a particular guy; let everyone get curious so they’ll investigate your pictures tomorrow.
• Aim to update at night, when the young professionals are relaxing with their roommates, browsing Faceboook, and having the nightly, “So should I sleep with this person this weekend?” conversation. (What? We all do it.)

The post How to Write a Facebook Status Update to Keep Him Interested appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Online dating has been going on for quite some time, but the stigma surrounding it still persists. If finding Mr. Right is taking longer than you’d like, it might be time to get over your resistance and turn your computer into a love machine. It’s not as scary as you might think.

Reason #1

Many people think online dating is for the freaks and geeks who can’t find love in real life. Not so! It’s also for the people who don’t have time to meet a lot of new people, whose line of work doesn’t expose them to prospective dates, who are new to a city, or who are too shy to approach people. So … pretty much normal people who have had less-than-stellar luck in real life! Sure there are freaks and geeks — but that’s what makes it entertaining.

Reason #2

Are you worried meeting online isn’t a “romantic story?” Sure, we all want to “meet cute,” but if you get so caught up in what you’ll tell your grandkids, you could be missing out on a great partner! Meeting online is the new “getting set up by a friend.” The friend just happens to be Mrs. Dot Com. The romance comes after you get out from behind your computer and go on a real date. Plenty of modern couples meet this way — even if they don’t admit it. (And you don’t have to either!)

Reason #3

If you’re hesitant to spend your hard earned money, there are many options. Loveawake.com, PlentyOfFish.com, and OkCupid.com all offer free online dating. Match.com, one of the most popular sites, lets you create a profile and browse for free, and offers a free trial and six month money-back guarantee. Take a look at your wallet and consider how much money you spend trying to pick up guys at the bar or at singles events. A month-long membership is cheaper than two martinis!

Reason #3

Consider the fact that you save time browsing profiles. If you’re the kind of girl who knows exactly what she’s looking for, it’s much easier to find that when everyone is putting their story out in front of you. You can search for exactly what you want: Athletic, spontaneous dog-lover! Italian, Republican banker! He’s out there somewhere! There are also specialized sites like JDate.com or Fitness-Singles.com to help you narrow down your pool even more.

Reason #4

Do you think people lie in their profile and waste your time? Sad but true newsflash: guys you meet in person also lie and waste your time. Maybe even moreso.

Reason #5

And if you’ve ever used Facebook to message a crush, you’ve pretty much already dated online! Just call a spade a spade, and realize that the Internet is the modern way of communicating with potential mates. But when you use a dating site, at least you know the people you’re meeting want to be meeting people, too. There’s no “This isn’t the right time for me,” or “I’m not really looking to meet someone right now.”

We live in a culture where you declare what you want and then you go for it. By signing up for a dating Web site, you’re saying, “OK, world, send me your best!” — whether they come by Internet or a moment straight out of a romantic comedy.

Reason #6

When looking for love, there comes a point when you have to let go of preconceived notions. And that’s when the “meet cute” often sneaks up on you! Nothing is more romantic than a story that starts out, “I never thought I’d meet the love of my life this way…” even if it’s followed by a “dot com.”

The post Reason To Overcome Your Resistance To Online Dating appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Well, we may not be related; but have you ever wondered about your cousins and their exact relationship to you? Some may be first cousins. That’s simple. If your parent’s brother or sister has kids, they are your first cousins. But what if your first cousins have kids? What are they referred as?

Or how about this one: What is your relationship to your grandfather’s brother’s son?

Some time ago we had a big fat Greek reunion (yes I am half Greek). And there were tons of relatives! I was trying to figure out if people were second or third cousins, or first once removed. Anyway, it inspired me to look up the information and study it more. There are plenty of charts online, but I made my own. And I will explain how it works.

The Relationship Chart

To find out the relationship between you and another relative first go to the common ancestor box and plug in your closest generation grandparent that you and that relative have in common. For instance Grampa Harry may be your grandfather, but a relative’s great grandfather. If this is the case, than that relative is your first cousin once removed.

Try it with all your relatives, even those you know the relationship between (except your own parents or siblings)
I’ll start. My Aunt Helen is my dad’s sister. I can plug in my grandmother (Yia Yia) in the common ancestor box.. I move down the left column to find me (grandchild). I move across the top to find Aunt Helen’s relationship to my grandmother, which is child. Moving down and across from the two spots they meet at the box nephew or niece. So I am Aunt Helen’s niece.

So if my cousin Vinny is my first cousin and he has a grandchild how am I related to his grandchild?
His grandchild and I have my grandparents as a common ancestor. So down the left column I stop at grandchild for me. Across the top I need to go all the way to great great grandchild. So cousin Vinny’s grandchild is my first cousin twice removed.

Relationship Terms

First Cousins – These are people you share the same set of grandparents with. Basically they are the children of your Aunts and Uncles (not great aunts or uncles).

2nd Cousins– These people have the same great grandparents as you, but not the same grandparents. So my grandfather’s brother’s grandchild would be my 2nd cousin.

3rd, 4th, etc Cousins– Third cousins share the same great great grandparents. Fourth cousins share the same great great great grandparents, etc.

The Term Removed– This means a person is a generation away from what your generation is. In other words my first cousin and I are in the same generation, we share the same grandparents. My first cousin’s child is in a different generation then I am, my grandparents are their great grandparents. So we are first cousins (the relationship I have with my first cousin) once removed (because they are one generation away from me). So my first cousin’s grandchild is my first cousin twice removed.

Now Quiz Yourself

See how well you can figure out these relationships

Simple Flow Chart

…………A
………./.. \
………/…. \
…….B …..C
……./ ………\
……/ ………..\
….D …………E
…./……………. \
…/……………… \
F………………… G

So A is B&C’s parent
A is D&E’s grandparent
A is F&G’s great grandparent

To find the relationship between B&G simply go to the chart. B is a child to A. So find child across the top. G is a great grandchild to A, so find great grandchild down the side. Therefore G is a Grand-nephew or niece to B.

Other Interesting Classifications of Cousins

Double first cousins– When two siblings marry two other sibling. (so if Bob and Joe are brothers and they marry sisters Jane and Josie. Or Mike and Jill who are brother and sister marry Faith and Jack who are also brother and sister). The children of these couples are related to each other through both parents’ families. Double first cousins have both sets of grandparents in common. Genetically, they are as related as half-siblings.

“identical” twins If identical twins marry another set of siblings the kids of the couples are more related than half-siblings but less related than full siblings (they are genetically equivalent to 3/4 siblings) although they are legally double first cousins. If identical twins marry another set of identical twins (sometimes called “quaternary marriage”), genetically they are like full siblings. They are classified as double first cousins.

There are even other types of cousins.
Click Here to Check it out

The post Family Relationship Chart: Terms And Classifications of Cousins appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

A “relationship bucket list” requires that you focus on your relationship; that you come up with a list of things that you would like to do together. Everyone’s list is different and unique.

“Having a partner to do the bucket list with you is an absolutely amazing way to strengthen a bond, forging what could be a life long friendship. Not only will you share the experience of persevering and meeting your goals, but you’ll gain some great memories in the process. The number one most important thing about having an accomplice join you on your bucket list adventures is that you’ll have something to look forward to together. The reason why having a mutual bucket list, aside from your own personal bucket list is important is quite fundamental. When you share a mutual goal, your daily conversations will be geared toward the future goal, and toward the current steps necessary to accomplish this goal.” ~ Alex Shalman

“Relationship bucket list” VS.”Bucket list”

Whats the differrence?

Unlike the movie, “The Bucket List,” staring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman you will not be making the list because you (or your relationship) is about the kick the bucket. In the movie, two terminally ill cancer patients, they take back control of their lives by creating a list of things they wish to accomplish before they pass. Among their last aspirations are laughing until you cry, visiting Stonehenge, and kissing the most beautiful girl in the World.

Using your creativity to put together a bucket list shows you and your partner that priorities are important to you. Your list is not a “kick-the-bucket list!” Writing a joint bucket list will help you feel more connected to your partner. You will feel the anticipation and excitement build as you build your bucket list together. Get out of your comfort zone. Push your thinking to the limits but place no limitations on your list.

Don’t just put whatever you both want on your list; put it in your life! Be your partner’s support system. Encouragement helps.

Important!

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ~ Zig Ziglar

As you cross things off your list, you can look back and say “I lived life, I did things I wanted to do with my partner, we accomplished something together, we enjoyed the ride!”

A relationionship “bucket list” will definitely improve your marriage! Why? It helps you stay focused on each other. Communication will improve and more.

What are the benefits?

What do you and your partner dream about accomplishing together as you live happily ever after? Whether it’s going on an exotic vacation, learning to salsa dance, running a marathon, or going sky diving together, there are a ton of benefits to putting your heads together to create a relationship bucket list:

• Sharing and discussing joint hopes and dreams helps you feel closer and more connected.
• Making plans pits you together as a team and keeps you focused on one another-and your future together-plus puts you in a “we’re-in-this-together-let’s-have-some-fun” frame of mind.
• Setting mutual goals gives you something to look forward to and provides you with an opportunity to hunker down and work together at crossing things off your list.

Creating a relationship bucket list

Creating a relationship bucket list is easy. All you need is a pen, some paper, and some quality time together to brainstorm. Definitely take the time to write down all the things you dream about doing as a couple. Having a list will serve as a reminder of exciting possibilities on your horizon. Research also reveals that the process of writing down what you want in life increase the probability of it happening by 30 percent.

As you make your list, try to keep it practical and realistic for the most part. If you’re struggling financially, a trip to Tahiti is probably not within your means. But don’t be afraid to include a few far-fetched ideas. Just because something feels out of reach right now doesn’t mean it can’t happen down the road.

The Couples’ Bucket List

Most couples won’t end their days quite as memorably as Bonnie and Clyde or as perfectly choreographed as the (spoiler alert!) dual passing in The Notebook. But the good news is you don’t have to wait till the last gasp to do dramatic things together. There are ample opportunities to get out there and live it up with your sweetie each and every day. So don’t just sit there in your Snuggies eating leftovers (there will be plenty of time for that later). Here is a master checklist to ensure that you squeeze all the potential out of your romance while you’re still kickin’!

17 things you must do as a couple.

Here are ways to start designing your realationship bucket list.

1. Couples Massage
A couples massage is one of the hottest treatments at luxury spas all over the world. What could be more romantic than lying side-by-side with your significant other in the most relaxing environment?

2. Write a Love Letter
Let’s bring it back to old school; the days where letters were handwritten, sealed with a kiss and mailed at the post office. Love letters are a physical memory that will last a lifetime.

3. Cook Dinner Together
Food and romance have be linked throughout history, mix in some intriguing conversation and you have the best date night ever. The dishes that you create on this night will become a significant part of celebrating other events in your lifetime.

3. Have a Picnic
Break out the old picnic basket, pack your favorite bottle of wine, pick a secluded outdoor getaway and create a memory.

4. Stay up all Night, Laughing
There are many reasons that we stay up all night, how many of them include just laughing?

5. Sing a Karaoke Duet
12 years ago, my husband and I sang “Summer Nights” from Grease at a local Karaoke club. Though the musicality left much to be desired and they actually turned the volume down on my microphone, it is an experience that we still talk about.

6. Carve your Names into a Tree
I typically would not recommend defacing a living object, but in the name of Bucket Lists I will have to break this rule.

7. Dress up for Halloween
Fairy tales can come true, at least on Halloween. What could bring a couple closer together than looking completely ridiculous as a team?

8. Kiss on Top of the Ferris Wheel
Some of the most romantic movies feature a smooch on the tippy-top of the Ferris Wheel.

9. Watch the sunset & rise in one day
You might be able to complete this one as well as, #3 {Have a Picnic} & #4 {Stay Up All Night, Laughing} all in one day! Now that’s the ultimate in multi-tasking.

10. Climb to the Top of a Mountain
Tackle hiking the highest mountain together. You could possible complete bucket list goal #3 while you are up there!

11. Horesback Ride on the Beach
No doubt you have seen the abundance of advertisements featuring a couples romantic horseback saunter alongside a white sand beach. Why not recreate this ad?

12. Create a Music CD of your Relationship
Compile all the songs that have meaning to your relationship together and put them on a cd.

13. Make Love in an Inappropriate Location
An airplane, park, public restroom that’s up to the two of you.

14. Take a Bubble Bath
Bubble baths aren’t just for the kids, they a relaxing for the adults too and a fabulous way to get closer to your partner.

15. Jump off a cliff into water
Grab your partners hand, plug your nose and take a leap of faith.

16. Learn to Tango
Learn, what is said to be, the most romantic dance.

17. Skinny Dip
Strip off the clothes and take a little swim into freedom.

The post Relationship Bucket List : Steps And Ideas appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

The Key To Long Distance Relationships

The key to a successful long distance relationship is COMMUNICATION. Without communication, the relationship will far apart. Make known your expectations and if something is bothering you. But also don’t forget to dole out praise.

Long distance relationships are hard. Not being able to hold them in your arms every night, kiss them whenever you please, hang out every Saturday night….it hurts inside. But sometimes, it’s worth it. I’ve been in my three long distance relationships. Here are a few tips I followed that helped us feel closer

Buy a webcam and video chat

Invest in a webcam, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Being able to see you’re lovers face is one of the best experiences in the world. I loved talking to my boyfriend over video chat, it definitely puts less strain on the distance. My ex boyfriend and I had “dinner” with each other; we both would eat our foods in front of each other, as if we were having a date. It can also be a lot of fun, doing silly dances for each other and such. Try downloading chat modules, such as Whatsapp, Telegram, Skype, etc.

Send some surprises to your partner

Getting something in the mail is exciting, especially when it’s from your lover. It can be extravagant like something you have shipped to their house, or as simple as a loving, romantic card. I love sending cards to my boyfriends, with lengthy romantic letters inside. Some more ideas of what to send: their favorite flower, a stuffed animal (tiny or medium sized), their favorite candy, a phone card (for extra minutes to talk to each other), etc.

Gift Ideas To Send

Ideas for great gifts to send in the mail

• A mix CD you made yourself
• A message in a bottle
• A small photo album with your favorite pictures of the two of you
• A movie that reminds you of your relationship with each other
• Your partner’s favorite candy
• A stuffed animal of their favorite animal
• A cheap and outdated computer game
• A poster of their favorite band, artwork, movie, etc.

Use the phone

Talk to your partner a few times a day. I personally liked talking to my ex boyfriend in between classes or any time I had a few minutes to spare, just to tell him that I loved him. If you have limited minutes, try calling when you’re minutes are free, like after 9 PM. Try to find out if your plan allows you to add people that will always remain free. Verizon has a plan where you can add ten people that will always be free to call. Try buying a phone card with minutes if you can. Also, try texting little love notes throughout the day, like: I can’t get you out of my head. It will put a smile on their face and will be greatly appreciated

Use social networking to your advantage!

Don’t just use it for your friends, use it for your partner too. Exchange pictures with each other, leave love notes on each other’s profile, update statuses about each other, etc. I loved logging on to Facebook and seeing that my ex boyfriend’s status was all about how he misses me, or seeing he wrote something sweet on my profile.

Play Games Together And Get Competitive

Playing online multiplayer games together is a great way to have fun and spend time. You’ll end up laughing as the competition between the two of you gets fierce. Don’t laugh this idea off as silly, it truly works! It’s a way to have fun with your partner and be somewhat close to them, considering you are both playing the same game, at the same time, and you can even see what moves they make. Competition is always healthy in relationships, especially if you can laugh it off when you lose.

Pass A Journal Back And Forth

Want to be able to leave romantic notes to your partner despite the distance? Then try this idea! Buy a blank journal, write some romantic things in it (such as why you love your partner, what you love about them, how you imagine your future with them, etc.). You can even draw pictures or glue or tape stuff to the pages (BE CREATIVE)! When you are done, send it through the mail to your partner. Let them see what you’ve written (they will probably have a huge smile on their face), and then allow them to write in it themselves. Keep mailing the journal back and forth. You will have something to look forward to and something that is a romantic and fun way to show you care.

The post Tips To Help Keep A Long Distance Relationship Lasting appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Today’s woman is typically portrayed in the media and entertainment field as financially and emotionally independent. That being said, the “typical” portrayal of any demographic is almost always based upon generalizations; despite the “independent woman” archetype, there are still plenty of old-fashioned gold-diggers out there searching for a naïve gentleman to take care of them. Here are ten of the ways that some women can take advantage of a good-hearted, generous man:

Inadvertently

Some women abuse a man’s generosity without meaning to; by simply talking about material things that she’d like to have or trips she’d like to take, a well-meaning man will shower her with these things in order to win her approval and affection.

Because She’s Accustomed to Lavish Gifts

Ladies who are used to always having the finer things in life can be so disdainful of less expensive gifts that the man in her life feels as if he has to pull out all the stops just to compete. Dropping not-so-subtle hints about the generosity of past lovers can spur a man to make similar gestures at first, but will almost always backfire in the long run.

By Pretending to Have Feelings She Doesn’t

A beautiful young woman who feigns feelings for a well-heeled older man is such a common occurrence that an entire genre of novels and films use it as a central plot point. Fake affection may ease a man’s loneliness for a short time, but the lack of substance usually dooms the eventual outcome of the relationship.

By Making Him Feel Inadequate

Using the lavish purchases bestowed upon her friends and acquaintances by their significant others to make the man in her life feel inadequate is one of the oldest tricks in the proverbial book. Preying upon the instinct that many men have to keep up with or surpass those that they perceive to be rivals might net a few pricey purchases, but often leads to a stressed-out and bitter mate.

Gradually Taking Less Responsibility For Her Own Living Expenses

By allowing a wealthy man to take financial responsibility for her over the course of several months or even years, a crafty woman can eventually find herself being “kept” and her mate completely bewildered about how he managed to acquire such responsibility.

The Guilt Trip

By playing the part of a damsel in distress and making a man feel pity or even guilt for a precarious financial situation, a woman can easily take advantage of a good man’s eagerness to protect and care for someone he loves.

Becoming More and More Difficult to Please

When gifts are no longer greeted with the usual enthusiasm he’s accustomed to, men may ramp up their efforts to ensure their lady’s pleasure. Treating gifts with a growing level of indifference is an effective but despicable way of coercing a man into spending more than he can afford.

Never Offering to Foot (Or Even Split) The Bill

Suggesting that a woman pay even her share of the bill is something that even the most progressive men usually feel awkward about; as a result, when a woman never offers to pay, he may just assume responsibility in order to avoid any unwanted unpleasantness.

Outright Dishonesty

There are women who will result to bold-faced lies just to get a generous man to buy expensive gifts or shower her with money. This risky trick has also landed many a woman in hot water when her fabrications begin to unravel.

Demanding Extravagant Outings

While many of the techniques that parasitic women employ rely upon some level of subterfuge, there are those who take a more direct route and simply demand to be treated to expensive vacations, dinners, and outings. Unaccustomed to being taken advantage of so blatantly, some men find themselves complying in bewilderment.

Women who accidentally let hints drop about extravagant gifts they’d like or expensive trips they dream of taking may be inadvertently abusing a man’s generous nature, but it’s quite excusable when compared to some of the cloak-and-dagger routes taken by greedier, more shrewd women. While there are men out there who will knowingly and willingly allow himself to be taken advantage of, the majority of men find themselves unsure of exactly how they ended up in such a predicament.

The post 10 Ways Women Can Abuse A Man’s Generosity appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Considering we are consistently bombarded with images of dumb men who don’t know how to do anything, I thought it was high time we got back to appreciating men. Namely the guys women can’t resist.

It’s not hard to spot the guys women can’t resist; they seem to take over a room with their presence and know how to woo women with nothing more than a glance.

Types of guys women can’t resist #1

The Cocky Guy

There’s something about a man who knows what he’s about, and lets you know that, even if you don’t like him, he knows he’s still got it either way.

I remember when I met Luis; he was a cocky bastard off the bat. He would tease me about my looks and then laugh at my reaction, but he knew the whole time that he was going to get me into bed. And he did. Over and over again.

Types of guys women can’t resist #2

The Nerdy Guy

The thing about nerdy men is that they’re usually quite charming and respectful, albeit in a clumsy sort of way. It has also been my experience that most nerdy guys tend to be quite good-looking.

The reason women can’t resist nerds is because the nerdy guys tend to be able to resist us. Meeting women just isn’t the nerdy guy’s absolute priority and that is just so incredibly sexy.

Types of guys women can’t resist #3

The Gorgeous (but doesn’t know it) Guy

I can’t tell you how often I meet men who are absolutely gorgeous but really have no clue that they are and are actually kinda goofy? Believe me when I say that this turns women on to no end.

So if you’re one of those good looking guys who knows it, perhaps a little humility will serve you well. Check your ego at the door and don’t let your looks do the work for you.

Types of guys women can’t resist #4

The Adventurous Guy

The man who is always willing to take risks is a man that turns women on. Even if he fails (hopefully not too often though), the fact that he’s willing to take calculated risks at all leaves women swooning.

You don’t have to jump off bridges of out of airplanes to drive us crazy with lust, but being afraid to go to the bathroom because of all the germs will get you nowhere with women. So risk it up, will ya?

Types of guys women can’t resist #5

The Clever Guy

He’s the man who has a witty comment for just about everything and leaves everyone in stitches without batting an eyelash. But that’s not al he can do.

His cleverness leaves women with much to think about, and when they’re thinking about what he said, they’re also thinking about him, so in the end, women will want him because they will find themselves constantly thinking of him.

Types of guys women can’t resist #6

The Sexually Free Guy

He doesn’t sit around talking about sex at every turn, but the Sexually Free Guy oozes sexuality to no end just by the way he moves, eats and talks.

What makes this man irresistible is that he is willing to try everything in bed because that’s the way he rolls. Nothing is taboo, and nothing is off-limits. He will show a woman what an orgasm from a simple kiss will feel like. And once that happens, a woman will be hooked for life.

Types of guys women can’t resist #7

The Powerful Guy

Ultimately, women will always find power intriguing because watching a man command those around him and have others at his beck and call just makes us feel special.

When a man is able to do as he please without having to answer to anyone, you can bet that women will let out a sigh of fascination. That’s why some of the most unattractive men with the most power have a bevy of beautiful women to choose from.

Guys women can’t resist

It’s not always easy to become the man that women go gaga over, but with a little work and lotta guts, you’re only a few steps away from having your own little harem of admirers.

The post 7 Types of Guys Women Can’t Resist appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Just about everyone has at least one good horror story in their dating memoirs – embarrassing moments, dates from hell, bizarre conversations, etc. So it would follow, then, that we all have a working understanding of dating do’s and don’ts, right? Not quite, it seems. Weird tales from the dating front continue to arrive, so it may be helpful to examine some guidelines for when we’re out there looking for that special someone. Here’s a list of 10 common dating faux pas, and what they say about the offender:

Dressing Inappropriately

Unless you’ve planned a night out at a ballgame, leave the ball cap cargo shorts and jersey in the closet, guys. Girls tend to devote more time and thought into what they wear, but the goal here is moderation. Under-dressing for a date suggests indifference, while over-dressing hints at trying too hard to impress.

Being Late

While it may be chic to arrive late to a party, there’s nothing fashionable about keeping your date waiting. If they’re worth dating in the first place, they’re worth showing up for on time. It’s common courtesy. First impressions are everything, and lateness can send a message that he’s just not that into you.

TMI

Sharing every little detail of your life on a first date just says too much about you, too soon. You don’t need to be sharing your childhood traumas and medical histories right off the bat. Honesty is important at any stage of any relationship; but full disclosure up front isn’t what you’re going for here. Enjoy the journey of discovery as you get to know one another over time.

Taboo Subjects

Much like the case of TMI, conversation that veers into controversial areas can be a deal-breaker before you’ve had the chance to really establish any rapport, much less a relationship. Steer away from religion, politics and the like while you’re in the getting acquainted stage.

Roving Eyes

Making eye contact lets your date know that you’re focused on her. Casting glimpses around the room tells her you’d rather be somewhere else.

Phone Etiquette

Talking or texting on your cell phone in the middle of a date is beyond rude. Unless you’re an on-call doctor or the like, you should shut that phone off or leave it in the car. Otherwise, your popularity with others is likely to make you very unpopular with him.

Indecision

Women especially appreciate confidence in their dates. If you can’t decide on a venue, a movie or an entree, you’re telling her that you probably aren’t capable of making bigger decisions either.

‘Ex’ Means an Early Exit

Nothing quashes your prospects for a second date quite like talking about your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. It leaves the impression that you haven’t let go, and aren’t fully invested in starting a new relationship.

Excessive Drinking

Dating is a stressful activity even under the best circumstances; and a drink or two can help ease the tension. If you’re knocking them back to the point of having difficulty making coherent conversation or keeping your head from landing in the spinach dip, however, you’ve gone too far. Don’t send the message that drinking is your way of handling stress.

Rushing Into Intimacy

Generally speaking, this is about making presumptions about where things are headed – getting physically intimate too soon, discussing the long term, making plans to meet family, etc. It smacks of desperation and is bound to send your date running for cover.

Dating is a great opportunity to learn about yourself as well as your partner. Give both of you the chance to know and be known in an atmosphere of mutual respect and good intentions. The worst that should happen is that you come away having a better understanding of yourself and your values, as well as your date.

The post 10 Common Dating Faux Pas And What they Say About You appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

It’s late at night and your phone rings. It’s her… your girlfriend, your ex-girlfriend, your neighbor, or that chick you barely remember from that bar you kind of remember going to. She gets straight to the point, “Um, I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’m just gonna say it, but you’re gonna be a dad.”

Maybe she’s joking. Maybe she’s serious. Maybe she’s just trying to get a diamond ring. Maybe it’s not even yours. You might feel confused, overwhelmed, angry, and out of control. And not know what to do first.

So (and not that this happened to me), we spoke to Arielle Capuano, with Levinson & Capuano, who focuses exclusively on family law, to find out what a guy should do when he hangs up the phone after getting “that” call. She gave us a list of 7 things you should do immediately to protect yourself, but keep in mind this is not legal advice, and the laws could be different where you live. (See the full disclaimer below. She is, after all, an attorney…) So take a deep breath, pour a glass of your favorite, and do this now:

1. Stay calm.

After hearing news like this, it’s pretty normal to feel all sorts of negative emotions. But imagine how this new mom is feeling. Pregnant women are often hyper-sensitive and very emotional, and may also be feeling overwhelmed and out of control. It’s important for you to set the tone early on and remain rational throughout the pregnancy. After all, one small fight can easily escalate into criminal charges, especially for men. If you find yourself ready to lose it, take a breather, wait for the dust to settle, and reassess the situation.

2. Do some research of your own.

Think back to all the encounters you’ve had together. Did you use protection? Does the timing add up? Were there other guys in the picture? Without upsetting the woman who may be carrying your child, try to figure out what the chances are that this is really your kid.

3. Get a DNA test as soon as possible.

As soon as the child is born, go get a DNA test. And you’ll want to get one from a qualified laboratory that offers “Legal Paternity Testing.” You can always start with an at-home test, but going to a qualified laboratory will give you the most conclusive answer and potential evidence in case you later need to enter the results in court to establish paternity.

Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about getting a conclusive answer until the baby is born. While it is possible to perform pre-natal DNA testing, the procedures are expensive, risky, and usually require a doctor’s approval.

4. Figure out what role you want to play.

Assuming the child is yours, figure out what kind of a dad you want to be. Are you and the mother in a great relationship and want to get married? Do you barely know the mother? Or do you know her well enough that you know that you aren’t right for each other?

You don’t have to get married. I’ll repeat that: You don’t have to get married.

In today’s world, it is common for unmarried people to have and raise children together, and it doesn’t make you any less of a father to not marry the mother. But do step up to the plate however you can. If you want to be an every other weekend dad and pay your child support, go for it. If you’ve got it in you to do more, try your hand at being a fulltime dad – its more fulfilling that you’d think. Discuss your planned involvement in the child’s life with the mother and see what kind of parenting arrangements you can come up with.

5. Learn more about your situation.

Read up on babies. Read up on the pregnancy process. Talk to people who have gone through this before. They may be able to offer you tips and advice. Talk to your dad, your uncle, or that cousin who went through this last year. Get the support of friends and family who care and ignore the ones who judge you.

6. Start saving money now.

Try to estimate how much all this will cost and start saving money immediately. You may need to contribute to pre-natal costs, diapers, formula, day care, clothes, and the child’s healthcare. You may also want to budget for child support and possibly an attorney. Talk to other parents and figure out what costs you can contemplate ahead of time. You can’t estimate all your costs, but having a realistic idea will allow you to be better prepared.

Consider new ways to make more money: ask for a raise or promotion, or interview for a new position. Concessions will have to be made, and your life will change, but the sooner you plan ahead and save, the better off you and your new family will be.

7. Call a family lawyer licensed in your state.

Talk to a family lawyer to figure out what your options are. If the child is yours, you will have responsibilities, but you may not have rights.

Depending on the state you live in, you may have to formally establish your parental rights if you have a child out of wedlock. A good family lawyer can walk you through this process, establish and protect your rights, and set you up with a good parenting plan, laying out your custody and visitation arrangements. Paternity laws vary greatly by state, as do your legal options, so you owe it to yourself to at least get a consultation so you aren’t in the dark.

Remember: if it turns out to be yours, having a baby doesn’t have to destroy your life. But you do need to stay active in this process and maintain as much control over the situation as possible. Help yourself and get help. Ask questions and plan ahead. But most of all, take a deep breath and keep a positive attitude.

The post 7 Things to Do Immediately When She Says You’re Gonna Be an Unexpected Dad appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

“Never buy a woman a drink” is one of those “pick up artist” mantras you hear all the time, yet no one ever explains why you should never buy her a drink. Or dinner on a first date, for that matter.

I’ve been asked over and over by guys (and gotten into heated debates with women), whether or not this is good advice to follow. And my answer is always the same: Yes it is. You really should never buy a woman a drink or dinner if you are trying to pick her up. Why? Because it has a very different effect from the one you are trying to achieve. And I’ll explain why:

But first, understand that this is not a power thing, or teach-her-a-lesson thing. If that’s your mind set when you go out to meet women, put on your white-framed sunglasses, and take your over-bronzered, Ed Hardy-wearing ass home. This isn’t for you.

Reason #1: It instantly turns you into “Guy Hitting on Her.”

And that is going to raise her defensive shields. Fast. Women get hit on a lot. And they have ingrained, knee-jerk reactions to come ons from guys. None of which are good. So you’re starting out in a hole you’ll need to dig out of. And unless you’re really handy with a verbal shovel, your chances for success drop significantly.

Reason #2: It makes you just like every other guy.

Every other schlub in the bar with a debit card and no skills has bought her a drink tonight. Yet she’s still alone. A little buzzed. But alone.

Why is that? Because simply buying her a drink won’t get any of them past a conversation that lasts longer than it takes for her to finish her Cosmotini. At which point, she’ll politely thank them for the drink, then turn back to her friends.

See, building on Reason #1, she’s craving something different. Something fun and unique. And “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” ain’t even close. And will slam the doors shut to the promised land faster than a Lindsay Lohan rehab stint.

Reason #3: It lowers your value.

This is probably the most important reason. While most guys will typically date anything with a pulse as long as she’s willing and (relatively) clean, women have a different standard, and they tend to desire men who have a higher value than they do. (Hence the reason aging rock stars and fat, bald CEOs always score hotter girls than you.)

Once you offer her a drink, you’re showing her that your value is so much lower than hers, that you have to buy her something in exchange for conversation.

Ever hear from a stripper that they never date customers? Trust me, there’s no rule in the club that says that. Those girls will date anyone (and pretty much everyone), they damn well please. The real reason they won’t date customers, is because the minute you give them money in exchange for a dance, you go from being the hot guy she wants to take home and do naughty things to, to just another low-value “customer.” Any attraction instantly vanishes.

It’s the same with women in a club. Only instead of being on the pole, they’re at the bar.

Finally, here’s the caveat on the “never” in Never Buy a Woman a Drink: Never doesn’t mean never. Once you’ve gotten to know her, and been out a time or two, it’s perfectly ok to buy her a drink… or dinner. Just don’t use that as your initial approach.

The post The 3 Reasons You Should Never Buy a Woman a Drink appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

When guys date really nice girls, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that boredom quickly sets in and they need to find a way out. The problem is that the idea of dumping them raises all kinds of guilt.

And no one wants to feel guilty about dumping a girl. But it is a necessary evil. After all, life is too short to spend it with someone you don’t want to be with.

So if you’re a nice girl and wondered whatever happened to James – why he just seemed to disappear from your life, you’ll probably find the answer within these pages.

Who is the nice girl?

First off, who is this “nice girl”? Well, she’s sweet and innocent, and her idea of rebelling is jaywalking. She’s very vanilla, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s no doubt that everyone likes a little rocky road every once in a while.

Of course, there are many guys who’ve dated rats in the past and want nothing more than a good, predictable, reliable girl to spend his time with, but for many men in their 20s and even 30s, they’d prefer to spend their time being challenged.

Why men dump nice girls

It’s funny how life works sometimes. When it comes to a nice girl, we always know where she is, we know she’s reliable, and we know that she would never betray us. You’d think that this was the ideal woman.

But because this nice girl comes with guarantees, so to speak, we find ourselves wanting more. While safety is appreciated, and it’s what we think we want, when men find themselves faced with a woman who will be good to and for him, he tends to run in the other direction.

How men dump nice girls

It’s quite possible that after we walk away from the nice girl, we spend a lot of time reminiscing about how great she was… especially when we begin dating a high-maintenance bitch.

Nevertheless, we do ultimately walk away. But how? How do we do it without feeling tons of guilt? It’s hard, but here’s how we manage.

How men dump nice girls #1

Stop calling

If we were calling about once a day, that would stop fast. And I don’t mean that we’d lessen the phone calls until they reached the once a week status; we would rip that phone calling task off like a band-aid – one shot!

It’s not the nicest or classiest way of going about it, but the thing is that if we don’t hear her crying or getting upset, it’s like it never happened.

How men dump nice girls #2

Avoid her calls

If we haven’t been dating her for too long, guys will tend to do what they do best – avoid her phone calls. We figure that if we avoid them long enough, they will simply go away.

Then, if we run into her, it’s as easy as saying that we were out of town for so long that by the time we returned, we thought it awkward to call.

How men dump nice girls #3

Act like a prick

We figure that if we could be mean and rude enough, it would prompt her to dump us, so that we wouldn’t have to look like the bad guy. So every time we meet her, we come out with guns blazing ready to shoot her down at every chance.

Ultimately she becomes so upset with the way we’re treating her that she yells at us and walks away, leaving us home free and happy to be single again.

How men dump nice girls #4

Write her a letter

Although it’s rare that we write letters in general, we would probably opt to write a letter or send her an email telling her that the relationship is over so that we wouldn’t have to see any tears or get asked the inevitable question: Why?

We know that it’s cowardly to dump a woman via the written word, but sometimes being a coward is better than having to deal with the venom that is a woman’s tears.

How men dump nice girls #5

The “Chemistry” card

Sometimes there’s no other way to go about leaving her than to confront the situation in a very public place and tell her that we’re just not feeling like we’re the one for her.

At no point do we make it seem as though we don’t want the relationship; rather, we make it seem as though we feel that she doesn’t want us and, for that reason, we can’t continue with this relationship.

Are you a nice girl?

Have you experienced any of these firsthand? If so, I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably the “nice girl.” There’s nothing wrong with being the nice girl, per se, but if you want a man to want you for good, you’re going to have to develop a little bit of bitch.

The post How Men Dump Nice Girls appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Everyone can agree that the worst thing about first dates is the awkward silence that can come with getting to know someone new. While some people always have something to say to fill those quiet moments, most of us could use some guidance. Here are some fool-proof conversation starters that will get her talking – and help you get to know her better.

Conversation starters for dates #1

What’s your favorite film/book character?

This question gives you a great idea of what interests she has. For example, if she answers “Superwoman”, you know that chances are she’s into comics; but if she relates more to Carrie from Sex and the City, it’s fashion she loves. And perhaps sex. And the city.

Follow ups:
Any other preference questions will help you get to know her better: favorite time of day, favorite meal, favorite hang-out spot, etc.

Conversation starters for dates #2

How do you spend your Sundays?

One great way to get to know her is by finding out what she likes to do. If her idea of a good time is having a romantic picnic in the park and you love taking in a baseball game every Sunday, you’ll instantly know if there might be some trouble down the road.

Follow ups:
Describe your typical day.
What are your favorite hobbies?
What kind of food do you love?

Conversation starters for dates #3

What’s your dream city?

The answer to this can be very telling. If you both plan to travel around a lot, you may have more in common than you know. If she loves the city you both live in, chances are she’s here to stay. But if she reminisces about her hometown or dreams of moving to Paris, you know she’s got bigger plans ahead.

Follow ups:
Where did you grow up?
Where do you plan to settle down?

Conversation starters for dates #4

Tell me about your family.

Two topics to avoid on a first date: exes and anything too controversial, like politics. One topic that is very important: family. Knowing about a girl’s relationship with her family gives you an idea of what kinds of values she has, what sorts of relationships are important to her and what her history is like.

Follow ups:
Do you have any siblings?
Who are you closest with?

Conversation starters for dates #5

If you could retire tomorrow, what would you do?

This is a good question if you want to know how she would ideally spend her time. If she says she would love to open up a women’s shelter, you know she’s got a big heart. But if her answer is “shop all day”, you could be shelling out some serious dough in the future.

Follow ups:
Why is that important to you?
Where would you retire?

Conversation starters for dates #6

What was your best job ever?

The answer to this question gives you an idea of what her career life is like. If her only recollection results in “babysitting”, she may not be the most driven person. But if she loved her summer working as an English teacher in Spain, you know she’s adventurous and hard working.

Follow ups:
Would you do it again?
What was the best part?
What’s your career goal?

Conversation starters for dates #7

What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Quirky questions like this can bring up funny stories to bond over and give insight into her experiences and her character. If you both have outrageous vacation stories to share a laugh over, you know there’s chemistry there. But if your craziest moment was your prom night and she spent six months hitchhiking around Brazil, you may have less in common than you thought.

Follow ups:
More silly questions or a flirty joke (i.e. “let’s see how long we can go without sleep”)

Conversation starters for dates #8

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

This question may seem similar to number 3, but it will bring out different answers. If you both love travel and have a fascination with Australia, there may be a future there. But if she prefers to stay put and you’re into discovering new countries and cultures, this relationship won’t likely be long-term.

Follow ups:
What’s your ideal vacation?
Where have you travelled?
What’s your favorite country?

More conversation starters for dates

It’s always important to find common interests and activities if you aim to build a relationship in the future. These questions are designed to help you impress her with your conversation skills and figure out if she’s your type of lady.

So don’t be scared to ask away – and remember – a well-flowing conversation will lead to many more dates in the future.

The post 8 Conversation Starters For Dates appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Ten years ago, if you’d asked someone whether or not they’d be comfortable with a blind date knowing everything about them before they met, you’d get an answer somewhere between “Ew, that’s creepy” and “That’s just not romantic.”

Today, we almost expect our internet crushes to know intimate details about us, even if we’ve never met. No one thinks twice about telling the internet what they had for breakfast, why their roommates annoy them, or how much that guy in O-Chem makes them think of other, more interesting O’s. It’s easy to overshare on the internet, because there’s always someone sharing way more than you are, and because the stream of information seems so ephemeral and ever-changing.

But if you’re looking for love, especially online, it’s important to know what picture your online profiles paint of you. Why? Because if someone is interested in you, they’re probably going to google you. And if they’re really interested, they might dig a bit deeper than that. You might be pretty sure that you don’t have anything particularly incriminating up on the internet, but, just like your credit report, it’s worth checking out to be sure.

It’s also a PR game. We are making far more information about ourselves available to the public than ever before, and we don’t have high-powered publicists to advise us on how to behave, when to shut up, and how to manage our reputations and public image. Consequently, the information available about you on the internet can be very misleading, and this can happen without you even knowing it. A few years ago, I was horrified to discover that a dear friend had posted an unattractive picture of me in his (well-followed) blog. He thought it was a “quirky” pic that showed my personality, but I hated it… and it was the first result being returned when you did a Google image search for my name!

Do you know what sort of portrait the internet paints of you? If you don’t, here’s how to piece it together:

Google thyself

“Know thyself” is still the best advice for dating, but “Google thyself” is the first commandment of knowing how you appear to others. Google uses an intelligent page-ranking system to organize your information (and, no, you can’t e-mail them and ask them to please take down that keg stand picture from your fraternity days).

Google your own first and last name, surrounded by quotations, and add your location if your name is common (my search phrase looks like this: “Meghan Beresford” New York). You should also do a Google Image Search (in the tabs at the top) and scan the pictures to see if there’s anything surprising or unflattering toward the top of the results.

Next, google your online handles. If you’re on an online dating site, your prospects may google your username, especially if you haven’t given them your last name yet. If your online dating username is also your Yelp! handle, your Twitter login, your blog’s name, and the username you use on other dating sites, your date can easily access tons of information about you. (This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s worth your while to know what they know!)

Finally, google any e-mail addresses you use for site logins, Craigslist ads, or other postings. This search is the least likely to return results, but it’s still worth checking out. It’s basic internet safety to keep track of what personal information is publicly accessible.

Piece together the “facts”

Try to imagine how you’d view yourself if you had only the internet facts to rely on. Do you seem normal and well-rounded, or does one aspect of your personality outshine the others? Is there any information that’s likely to be misinterpreted by someone who doesn’t know you? Is there anything that shows up publicly that surprises you or makes you uncomfortable? (When you scan your search results, make a note of anything you’d like to remove from your public profile. This will help you later, if you choose to take a more active approach to managing what data appears about you online.)

If you share strong opinions in public forums, it’s possible that your posts will show up in your Google results. This is worth knowing, because if 90% of what you’ve shared on the internet is political or religious, your date may see you as much more intense (or worse, one-note) than you actually are. Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with being a member of many dating sites, but if your date can see this info when they google you, they may conclude you’re serious about finding someone (whether or not this is true!).

Read your own Facebook and Twitter status update streams to get a sense for what tone the conversations take. If you tweet or post updates about only your craziest adventures, your crush is going to think you’re a wild child. Conversely, if they can see that you’ve Netflixed movies the last four Friday nights, and if the rest of your tweets are about trips to the bank and what kind of oatmeal you eat, they might get the sense that you’re boring.

People have different sharing habits, especially when it comes to social media, but how you share your thoughts is worth thinking about. If you only tweet when you have something to rant about, your Twitter stream is going to make you seem like a hothead, even if you’re generally even-tempered in real life.

Keep an eye peeled for personal details

Let’s say you recently sold a couch on Craigslist and included your e-mail address, phone number and what street you live on. Until the listing is deleted or expires, anyone who has your e-mail address can get your phone number or figure out roughly where you live! Posting this much info on Craigslist isn’t a bright idea, but I still see it all the time. If you must post personal contact information publicly on the net, consider making an alternate, anonymous e-mail address that you don’t use for any personal communications. If you use your real contact information, make sure you know where it’s posted, and who can see it.

Check your privacy settings on all social networking sites, and see who you’re allowing to see your personal contact details. (AllFacebook has a great set of links for managing your Facebook privacy). When you find personal information you’re okay with sharing, make sure it’s accurate. I don’t know how times I’ve seen a divorced-for-ages friend listed as “married” on Myspace. Don’t assume that strangers or online dates will get that the info is old – they probably won’t. It’s worth the effort to update the info yourself, even if it’s a site you rarely use anymore. If you use the site so little that you can’t be bothered to update it, shut the account down.

When you know what the internet is saying about you, you can clean it up, control your search results, and attempt to remove “bad” information about you. But it’s a “The More You Know” situation, so get out there and start googling!

The post What Does Google Tell People About You? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

In a previous post, we talked about how to figure out what the internet says about you. If you’ve googled yourself, it’s possible that you’ve found at least one or two things that surprise you. An unflattering picture, a bunch of petty comments about someone who gets your goat on an internet forum, or (worse) a pile of information that just paints an inaccurate picture of who you really are.

If you find that you’re not pleased with how the internet reflects you, there are two basic approaches to fixing it: removing stuff, and patching up blank spots. You do what you can to control unflattering information, while adding in things that represent you more accurately. If you’re an absolute baseball fanatic, or you like to bake, that’s the sort of information you can add to your online profiles without much effort. But first things first: how do you delete incriminating info from your “internet record”?

Getting rid of stuff you don’t like can be an exercise in frustration, but it’s often worth the effort. If you’re the one who’s accidentally misrepresenting you, it’s easy (but time consuming) to fix. If your tweets tend toward the dramatic or highly personal, consider protecting them and only allowing people you know in real life to read them. Ditto your LiveJournal, your Facebook, and anywhere else you post things that others need real life context about you to understand.

If the content you don’t like is hosted by someone else, the easiest option is to ask them very nicely if they could please take it down. (You have to talk to the webmaster of the site where the info is located, not Google. Google does not control the info about you, and contacting them won’t do you much good). You can cite privacy concerns or just let them know that you’re uncomfortable with it. If you’re on good terms with the person, or if they’re an amicable stranger, there’s a good chance they had no idea you didn’t like the content and they’ll rush to remove it. I have politely asked people to remove pictures of me from Flickr, and have untagged myself on Facebook more than once. (Addwekk has tons of information about how to manage your picture tagging).

Sometimes, however, the hard truth is that content you don’t like is on the internet to stay. Maybe you had a brush with the law, and your conviction is a matter of public record, or your nasty ex posted the vicious e-mails you sent him on his blog (while failing to mention that he cheated on you). In certain cases, it’s possible that you could pursue legal action, but that’s outside the scope of this article, so let’s just assume for the moment that the nasty info stays. In this case, what do you do?

Your best bet is to make sure that there’s lots of good information about you on the internet. This will help anyone who googles you to get a more comprehensive picture of your personality, and it makes the negative stuff both harder to find and less damaging. (If you only have three search results for your name, and two of them make you look like a psycho, that’s bad. If there are fifty results, those two instances seem like bad days, not a comprehensive picture of who you are.) If you don’t have a personal website, consider making one. There are a couple of tactics that will help you “own” the top search results for your name. Mashable has a great article that outlines specific methods for controlling your Google search results.

Essentially, it’s a lot of work, but it is possible fill the internet with information about you that you actually want people to see. If you have a huge internet PR problem, it’s also possible to pay people to make it better, but the prices of “Reputation Repair” packages range from hundreds to thousands, so make sure the reputation damage is actually worth throwing money at before you sign up.

Two final notes:

1. It’s not a bad idea to consider the possibility that if it has ever been on the internet, it is still on the internet You may remove something unflattering, and it might crop up again later (someone has copied it, or a link that was inactive becomes visible again, etc.). As hard as it can be to get your head around, it’s a good idea to be prepared to explain your most unflattering moments to your new romantic prospects.
2. Google only crawls most sites every 30 days, and updates the search listings according to what it finds. This means that even if you make major changes to your web presence, they may take a few weeks to start showing up in search results. If you decide to make your online dating profiles private or request that they stop appearing in Google search, the site can take action immediately but that doesn’t mean this will be reflected in your Google search results right away.

The bottom line is that it can take some time and effort, but you can influence your search results if you’re not crazy about what a quick Google search says about you. Good luck, and happy Googling!

The post Bad Reputation: Doing Damage Control on Your Internet Profile appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

There are good ways to get dumped, and there are bad ways to get dumped. Generally, getting dumped via e-mail falls somewhere between Face to face when I knew it was coming and text message from his new girlfriend. It’s not a good feeling when “You’ve got mail” becomes “You’ve been dumped,” but you can make the best of it.

Here are some ways to make the most of your reply:

• Resist the urge to immediately forward the breakup e-mail to everyone in your address book, while texting and Tweeting your friends about what happened. Unless the e-mail contains some really hilarious highlights, keep it private. You might want read it to a trusted friend who can help you draft a response, but his 1,200-word missive on why he doesn’t love you anymore doesn’t need to go viral.
• Write down everything you want to say in a Word document. Call him names, tell him you faked it, and then beg him to take you back. And then send it to the recycling bin. Phew. Glad we got a few “F bombs” out of the system!
• Take a few hours to think of your actual response. In the meantime, take a bath, go for a run, read about Jessica Simpson’s latest breakup (celebs! They get dumped just like us!). While you’re doing this, consider a few things: First, do you even need to reply? He e-mailed you. To break up. Can we fill that under “F” for what he can now go do to himself and call it a day? (If you’re like every other female, probably not, but it’s worth considering.)
• If you decide you must write, what’s your goal here? Do you want him to feel bad? Take you back? Regret it? If he’s e-mailing you, he probably checked out weeks ago, so remember that no matter what you say, he’s not going to feel that bad.
• Keep it short and to the point. Start with an opening remark that points out that this is a 10 on the Wuss Scale. If you still care about him: “I really would have appreciated you telling me this in person. Seriously??” If he was a douche bag to begin with: “An e-mail? Well, I would have expected nothing less from a guy who is living at home because he’s 30 years old and still thinks his band is ‘totally gonna make it.’”
• Then respond to his reason for breaking up with you.If it’s a good reason (“I just can’t do the long distance thing anymore”), acknowledge it, and feel free to include a “but.” Example: “I understand that things have changed since college, but I thought we both cared enough to keep working at it.” If it’s a stupid reason, respond to it directly, laced with as much bitchiness/sarcasm as you’d like. Example: “Oh you want to see other people?? Because women are just lining up to date a guy on unemployment with a receding hairline? Well, don’t let me stand in your way.”
• If you’re heartbroken, it’s tempting to really to try to make him feel bad. But this is your dignity on the line. You can say, “I’m really shocked and upset. Our relationship meant a lot to me and it’s going to take me a little while to get over this.” You probably shouldn’t say, “How could you??? You told me you loved me. I’ll never get over you.”
• Making bold declarations can come back to bite you in the ass when you can’t stick with them. “I hate you and never want to talk to you again” loses all of its power when you get drunk and call him in three days. Err on the side of caution, ’cause you’re probably gonna get drunk and call him in three days.
• Don’t bother to tell him – in any way, shape, or form – that he’s going to regret it. It looks desperate. You don’t need to give him a long list of all the reasons you’re better off without him. And don’t say “thank you.” People looooove to say “thank you” in breakup emails! “Thank you for making me realize…” No. Unnecessary.
• It’s OK to write, “It’s hard to be upset about this when I’ve been boning your brother all summer” – but only if it’s true.
• Above all, do not swing between hurt, hysterical, and vengeful.“You’ll never find anyone better than me” plus “I will always love you” plus “You’re a f****** piece of s***” adds up to crazy. And once you put crazy on the Internet, there’s no getting it back.
• Don’t write back with the goal of changing his mind or getting a good response. He went through e-mail because he clearly doesn’t want to talk about it.Subsequent e-mails are going to get shorter and shorter (if he responds to you at all).

As annoying as it is to get dumped by e-mail, try to remember you’ve been given a gift. Not only are you free of a man who thinks it’s appropriate to breakup via e-mail, but you also have a chance to think about your response. You can cut and paste. You can choose your words carefully. And you can hide your pain. You may be sobbing whilst double-fisting whipped cream and tequila, blasting “I Will Survive” as you prepare to hit “Send,” but he doesn’t have to know that.

The post How to Respond to a Breakup Email appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

What resolutions did you make this year? The usual Eat-healthier-quit smoking-get-my-ass-to-the-gym-and-stop-passing-out-drunk-on-my-friends-floor type stuff?

Those are all noble resolutions. And they’ll make you a better, healthier man. But will they help lead to your ultimate goal: Being more successful with women?

And I don’t just mean “successful” as in going out and conquering entire harems of women. (Unless that’s your goal, then that’s exactly what I mean.) I’m also talking about being even more successful with the women you’re with right now. For that, you’re going to need to make more specific resolutions. So here are the 7 that will keep the phone numbers flowing, the women calling, and your weekends packed.

#1: Resolve to Get Over Your Anxiety of Talking to Beautiful Women.

Don’t try to hide it. We all have it. That nagging fear deep down when we are faced with a beautiful woman. And it doesn’t matter if she’s in a bar and we want to meet her, or she’s a salesperson and we need to see those black wingtips in a size 10. We get anxious and nervous and usually end up saying something stupid or sounding like an insecure idiot. Time to stop that. And it’s a lot easier than you think.

Carlos Xuma, a dating coach has one of the best cures I’ve found for beating Beautiful Woman Anxiety. He calls it his “Hit and Run 50.” All you do is walk up and say something complimentary to 50 random women. Women that you have no desire to date. Why? Because the idea is to get used to walking up to a female, saying something that makes her day and makes her smile, then walking away. Without it becoming a full-on conversation, or having to lead to something. (More on that in Resolution #2.) By the time you’re halfway through your 50, you’ll find yourself becoming more and more confident approaching women, and more comfortable when talking to them. And believe me, they’ll notice.

#2: Resolve to Stop Thinking Every Interaction With a Woman Has to Lead to Sex.

Here’s why a lot of us get so nervous talking to women: Because in our minds, every time we talk to a beautiful woman, we feel the need to have it lead to a date, or an invite to tangle the sheets. Otherwise we’ve failed. And we’re not the ladies man we thought we were. Well that’s complete B.S. and it’s time to resolve to get over that.

Most attractive women get hit on, or approached by men, dozens of times per day. That causes their defenses to go up. I call it the Panhandler Syndrome. Even if you are the type willing to give spare change to a panhandler, if you got approached by 15-20 of them every day, you’d do anything to avoid them, no matter how sympathetic you are. Same with women.

The second she thinks that you want this interaction to lead to something, her shields will slam down. And she’ll know by your nervousness, over-eagerness, and any other behavior or body language that is anything but completely at ease and relaxed. And the best way to have that happen is to stop thinking that this conversation has to end with her leaving your place the next morning with her peep-toe pumps in her hand and her bra in her purse. And just like the Hit and Run 50 above, the more you adopt this mindset, the more comfortable you’ll become.

#3: Resolve to Stop Dating Anything That’s Willing.

Just because she’s willing, that doesn’t mean you should be. And don’t hit me with those old cliches about “chicks with low self esteem try harder,” and “crazy pussy is the best pussy.” I can tell you I’ve had my share of crazy, and all it ever got me was drama and headaches. And a lot of annoyed neighbors.

Am I going to tell you that if you settle just because she’s the first girl in a while who said yes, that you’re shortchanging yourself? Yes I am. And it all has to do with realizing your value.

We’ve all met the women with low self esteem. We can spot them in a second in a bar. They’re the ones dressed a little too slutty, with too much makeup, who try just a little too hard to get you to like them. And do we have a lot of respect for these women? Do we highly value them? No. And it’s the same when the roles are reversed. When we try too hard, and are willing to “bow down” to a beautiful woman, or say yes to a less than desirable woman because she’s simply willing, we lose value in their eyes. And the eyes of all the other women watching. And that’ll hurt you in the long run.

You can start by writing down all the characteristics you’re looking for in the ideal woman you want to date. Education level. Personality. Hobbies you want to share… all of it. Then make a list of your deal breakers. “Bitter.” “Jaded.” “Drama Queen.” “Boils Bunnies.” And stick to the women who fit the first list, while jettisoning the women who show deal breaker qualities… No matter what she looks like, or suggests you do to her in the ladies room. Trust me, your life will be a lot easier.

#4: Resolve to Update Your Wardrobe.

Look down. Do your pants have pleats? If so, toss them. If they have pleats and they’re also jeans, burn them. If they’re jorts, you need more help than I can provide in this post.

I’m not saying you need to be a slave to fashion. Pick up a few quality pieces for your wardrobe. Then add to it every so often. Accessories too. A nice watch. A pair of unusual cufflinks. Women notice a guy who knows how to dress himself. And dress himself well.

#5: Resolve to Get Your Bachelor Pad in Order.

Look around. If anything in your place would look perfectly fine in a dorm room, it doesn’t belong in an adult bachelor pad. What’s hanging on your walls? If your answer is “nothing at all,” that’s almost worse than “A Jenna Jameson poster.” Get some decent artwork on the walls. Lose the tweed couch with the stains you found on bulk pickup day. And treat your place as if you expect a woman to drop by at any time. Keep it clean. And smelling fresh. Make sure the bathroom is stocked. And you’ve got extra pillows in the bedroom.

#6: Resolve to Learn to Cook.

I’m not saying you need to be a gourmet chef, but you should definitely have a dish or two in your back pocket that you’ve mastered. And I’m not talking about your slow-cooked bone-sucking ribs or suicidal hot wings. Grab a few food magazines and pick out a couple of female-friendly dishes. (That means no high garlic or onion content, no using your hands to eat it, and nothing high in carbs or fat.)

Then practice making it, until you can do it to perfection while talking to a hot women who happens to be sipping wine in your kitchen. Because “Let me make you my famous Oak Grilled Salmon with Lemon and Dill,” beats the hell out of “So where do you want to go for dinner?”

And when you’re looking for those dishes to get down cold, make sure one of them is perfect for breakfast. So instead of throwing her some coffee and a stale bagel, you can persuade her to stay just a while longer for some Mango-Agave Granola with Greek Yogurt and fresh grapefruit with mint and honey. (Those are actual recipes from Bobby Flay in the Jan/Feb issue of Food TV Magazine.)

#7: Resolve to Be Unique.

The minute she puts you in the “Just Like Every Other Guy” category, you’re dead. Because if every other guy was what she wanted, she’d be with them. So be unique. Be entertaining. Women love to be around a guy who can keep their interest and make them laugh. So learn how to tell an interesting story. (With compelling characters and an actual point.) Stop giving the typical, expected answers in a conversation. Take up an unusual hobby. Become expert in something obscure. Anything that keeps her from thinking you’re just like everyone else.

The post 7 Resolutions That’ll Make You More Successful at Dating in 2019 appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

There is no form of self-torture worse than looking at your ex’s wall. You wouldn’t pour salt on your own physical wound, yet you just can’t stop yourself from checking out what other women have posted on his wall. It is a strange sort of obsession: if you are miserable and lonely, you don’t want him to be happy, either. So you’re half-hoping that there’s no action on his wall. However, you also have a sick fascination with the comments he does receive from other women. You can judge these competitors as being not as “fine” as you are, or conversely think that they are better than you, which only supports some negative narrative or story you repeat in your mind to make yourself feel “less than.” It is a bit like rubbernecking at a party or club, where you can’t stop yourself from looking at someone “you can’t have” who’s dancing with someone whose place you wish you inhabited. You know that looking at them only makes you feel worse, so you try to distract yourself, but you’re aware that by trying so hard to do something else, you’re still completely orienting your life around their presence. So then you look at the object of your obsession again, in the hopes that he’s no longer hanging out with her, but when you see he is, you kick yourself.

Of course, you could just not go to any parties that he’s attending, but then you’d have no social life. Likewise, you’re not going to avoid the internet or even just Facebook, just because he’s online. But what are you going to do? De-friend him? If his privacy settings are set so that “friends of friends” or “everyone” can see his wall, then it doesn’t really help – you’ll still be able to see comments on his wall. You can change your News Feed filter so that you don’t see his status updates; at the very least, you’ll be reminded of him less frequently.

But really, it’s a matter of psychology, not technology. “Don’t visit his wall” is easier said than done. What you really need to do is some inner work on your feelings about the end of the relationship, and/or what your ex (emotionally) did for you. Maybe you’re still longing for him, and you haven’t let him go. While you’re grieving the relationship, you’re looking at his wall to still feel connected to him.

How to Avoid Looking at His Wall

Ultimately, self-will is all you have at your disposal. You can probably ad some website-blocking Firefox extension, but you can just as easily disable it. Instead, think of your obsession with your ex as an addiction. The first thing you do when you go to Alcoholics Anonymous is find a sponsor, so find a “buddy” to whom you can be accountable – maybe a close girlfriend who’s often accessible on Facebook chat and via texting. Every time you feel tempted to look at your ex’s wall, message her so that she can talk you out of it. Work with her on developing a list of “things to do other than read his wall”: learn how to stitch, take stupid quizzes, flirt with new guys. Sometimes what you do is less important than the fact that you’ve got someone actively supporting you in getting over your ex.

And if you do look at his wall, don’t beat yourself up. If it appears that he’s moved on and is making new connections with women, then maybe the relationship lasted as long as it needed to. In the same way that Facebook has surpassed MySpace, it’s just a matter of time before you move on to better things.

The post Hate Reading Your Ex’s Facebook Wall? Learn How to STOP. appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Breaking up is almost always awful. But if there’s one thing that’s worse than breaking up, it’s being forced to talk about it. In the dark ages, your parents and close friends were the only ones who felt comfortable pressing for details about an ugly split or crowing, “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway!” But in the age of social media and oversharing, your heartache is now everybody’s news.

Facebook’s “relationship status change” is among the most awkward of social media status alerts, and it’s not difficult to see why. In the past, couples only sent out announcements for joyous occasions like engagements or births, and the expected response was “Congratulations!” But bad news is much harder to handle appropriately, and Facebook status updates provide a perplexingly small amount of information about breakups. Did she cheat? Was it a long time coming? Did it end in a huge fight or with a hug? That information affects how people react to the news of your breakup in real life, but on Facebook, you’re giving them news with no context. This can cause inquiries to come pouring in, and the recently-heartbroken usually feel one of two ways: either they want to talk about it, or they really, really don’t. Here’s how those in each camp can navigate Facebook in the days after the split:

If you want to talk about it…

• Change your relationship status publicly, and post a vaguely breakup-related update that invites commentary. (“Doing okay, thanks to everyone who’s checked in.”). Avoid being high drama (“Lost in agony. My heart will never heal”) or slandering your ex, as both of these things make you look silly and prevent people from wanting to talk to you.
• Respond to questions with a short thank you, and if you’re close, share whatever details you’re comfortable with. Try to be even-handed in your portrayal of your ex unless they’ve done something really heinous. This is especially important if you have mutual friends.
• If you’re getting tons of mail, write out a short blanket answer to inquiries about the relationship. Provide only the bare facts. Send this mini note to people who deserve to know what’s up, but with whom you don’t feel like engaging in a long personal discussion.
• Try not to go into gory detail on your wall or comments sections.Thank people for stopping by, but save the dishing on what happened and who’s to blame for private messages. People who are genuinely concerned will follow up a wall post with an e-mail if they see that you’re not giving the scoop on your wall.
• Know that you don’t have to respond to strangers or casual acquaintances. It’s not nice, but some people just want something to gossip about. You are not obligated to provide it. You don’t have to be nice to ambulance-chasers, either. (You knowthat creepy guy expressing condolences on your wall is going to ask you out within the week).
• Bottom line: Take care of you.Rely on the friends who are around all the time, not just those who appear when you’re facing drama. Remember that when you break up on Facebook, you’re breaking up publicly. The hurt and anger you feel immediately after a breakup will diminish, but the impressions you make when handling it are probably going to last. Do your best to conduct yourself with class and dignity. You may not have your former partner, but you can still hang on to your pride.

If you don’t want to talk about it…

Feel like doing the Facebook equivalent of turning off your phone and hiding out with Ben & Jerry until you’re pretty sure no one remembers you were in a relationship in the first place? Here’s how:

• Consider changing your privacy options on Facebookto avoid broadcasting the news. You have two options:
  1. Prevent the status update from appearing in the News Feed.(You’ll find it under Settings> Privacy Settings > News Feed and Wall. Un-check the box in the Highlights section that says “Change relationship status”).
  2. Disable your relationship status.This removes the relationship status line from your profile entirely, and the change doesn’t appear in any feeds. (Click on the Profile link in the top navigation, then click on the Info tab. Click on “Edit Information” above the Basic Information section, then click on the drop-down Relationship Status menu. The top row of those selections (the one above“Single”) is blank. Select that blank row and click save. When you view your profile again, your relationship status will be nowhere in sight, and no one will have been notified of any changes.)
• Pen a non-committal status update that doesn’t reference your breakup, but doesn’t mislead either or invite commentary from those who might know about the breakup. (“Low key day. Hiding out for a little while.”)
• It’s totally appropriate to politely indicate that you need privacy.When faced with “OMG what happened!?!” just respond, “Hey, thanks for checking in. I’ll call you in a day or two when I feel more like talking, okay?” You can also avoid wall conversation by disabling your friends’ ability to comment on your wall. (Go to Settings > Privacy Settings > Profile > Wall Posts. Uncheck the “Friends may post to my wall” box).
• Consider un-friending your ex.If they takes the “Everything’s fine, really, having the time of my life” approach, it may cause you to obsess over their profile when you really should be giving your own heart time to heal. (Also, remember that even if you choose the most under-the-radar way to change your own status, you have no control over how your former flame updates. If they update publicly, your news may still show up in the feeds of mutual friends.)
• If you really can’t deal, there’s no shame in actually hiding out for a few days. Just indicate in your status update that you’re taking a break. (“Taking a few days off from FB. Back soon” should do the trick). Ultimately, managing your breakup is about what you need to do to feel okay. If you prefer to play matters of the heart close to the chest, it’s your right to do so. And if you’re the private sort, you may want to leave that relationship status disabled permanently. In the future, you can always announce new love in a wall post, a status update, or a profile picture without the awkwardness of having to un-relationship yourself if things turn sour down the road.

The post Breaking Up (on Facebook) Is Hard To Do appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Men adore women. We love the way you always smell so great. The way you flirt with your mouth. And even the way you let one of your shoes drop when you cross your legs.

Unfortunately, there are so many things guys don’t get about women. Sometimes I’m not sure if you even get yourselves. Why do you do the things you do sometimes?

I want to help you get a clearer image of what I’m referring to when it comes to the things that guys don’t get about women.

Things guys don’t get about women #1

The drama

Why is it that everyone who works with you is trying to destroy you? Why is it that every woman you encounter throughout the day is “cursing” you? Do you seriously believe this?

Essentially, men want to know why you are so dramatic about everything. If you break a heel at work, you’ll tell me that Laura is Human Resources must have hexed you because of the way she spoke to you that day.

To be honest with you, you’re wrong. The people you work with are so engrossed in their own thing that they don’t have time to voodoo you. Let it go. Ease up. Chill out.

Things guys don’t get about women #2

Getting married tomorrow

A friend of mine mentioned the other day that women aren’t getting married as young as they used to. And maybe he’s right. But the second you women get into a relationship, you start staring at your watches, tapping your foot, and waiting for the ring.

Why is marriage the be all end all of relationships? Why can’t you just be happy that we’re together instead of constantly wanting to get to the final step of it all?

Enjoy the relationship and when he’s ready, your guy will ask you to be his wife. Pressure is nobody’s friend.

Things guys don’t get about women #3

The freakin’ shoes

I once dated a girl who owned 180 pairs of shoes, most of which she had only worn once. The weird thing was that she knew exactly when she wore each pair and how much each pair cost. No one should know that much about their wardrobe.

Why? Why so many shoes? Will we ever get it? The shoe thing is something I think women just can’t explain themselves.

Things guys don’t get about women #4

Say one thing, mean another

He: “What’s wrong, babe?”
She: “Nothing.”
He: “Cool.”
She: mutters something under her breath and stomps away, then slams a door.

Why can’t women be clear about their intentions or feelings? Do you really think that men are psychic? We’re not. When you say you’re not mad, you’re fine, or that nothing’s wrong, we actually believe you. Stop it. If you’re upset, say so.

Things guys don’t get about women #5

Say you want the nice guy

“I want a guy who is sensitive, kind, funny, and sweet.” Shut up, you liar. You want the jerk off who will keep you guessing and give you multiple orgasms. Maybe you think you want the nice guy, but once you get your hands on him, you start checking out the edgy guys who don’t seem to care about you one way or the other.

Stop saying you want a nice guy, or that “sense of humor” tops your list of things you look for in a guy. That’s complete bullcrap. You want a guy who is:

1- Great looking
2- Is a challenge
3- Is great in bed
4- Makes good money

If he’s funny, great, but it’s not a prerequisite, no matter what you say. So stop lying.

Things guys don’t get about women #6

Hate other women

I really believe that women dress up for other women because the kind of detail you go into when you get ready (plucking the smallest eyebrow hair, separating your eyelashes) is obviously not for men. As long as we see a little tit, we’re good. Your eyebrows are the last thing on our minds.

Then you spend the evening looking at other women (which sometimes turns me on), criticizing every little thing you find wrong. Why? What’s your deal? Shouldn’t you be loving your sister and all that feminist jazz?

Oh and if I think a woman you think is ugly is hot, you will lose your freakin’ mind and you won’t let it go. Hey, I’m entitled to my opinion and if I think that fishnet stockings and stiletto heels are hot, let me be.

Things guys don’t get about women #7

Cryptic talk

She: “Why didn’t you rinse the dish in the sink?”
He: “I forgot, I’ll do it later.”
She: “But I told you 3 times already that you have to rinse the dishes when you put them in the sink.”
He: “Babe, I have other things on my mind, rinsing the dish slipped my mind.”
She: “You see? You really don’t care about me.”

What the f***? What is your deal, lady? How does forgetting to wash a dish translate into my not caring about you? My ex would always say, “You’re missing the point, it’s not about the dish, it’s about what’s behind the dish?” What’s behind the dish? The sink?

If you’re upset because you think I’m lazy or I don’t listen, say so, don’t start using menial, everyday things to point out that I’m insensitive, I just won’t get it. A dish is a dish is a dish, and you will never change that in my eyes.

Too many things guys don’t get about women

So have you heard enough of the things guys don’t get about women, or are there many more that I left out? Feel free to list them off in the comments below. And hey, no cursing. Or hexing.

The post 7 Things Guys Don’t Get About Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Most of us grew up reading fairy tales, right? And most of us (myself included) have grown accustomed to the way such stories usually end—with the marriage of the beautiful princess and handsome prince and the words “And they lived happily ever after.”

These words were responsible for creating my idealistic view of marriage and relationships. When I was younger, I thought that after getting married, everything would be happily ever after–no fights, no “discussions”, just harmony and happiness in perpetuity.

I grew up surrounded by couples with what seemed like blissful marriages: my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts. And since my Mom always seemed happy whenever she talked about Dad, I thought a marriage must be 100% joy.

Thankfully, I realized that my idealistic picture of marriage was faulty years before I got married myself. Reality set in when I got to talking with some office colleagues who were having problems with their marriages. When I my siblings started having marital problems as well, I started to seriously rethink my views.

The truth about relationships

When I’d been in my first serious relationship for a while, I really started to realize on a visceral level that realized that successful relationships take a lot of work. I may have seen the happiness and contentment in my grandparent’s eyes whenever I saw them, but I never really knew what they went through to get there. I discovered too, that the reason I never heard my parents quarreling was because they had decided that they would never fight in front of the children.

I wonder if perhaps there is some truth in the fairy tales. The problem is that fairy tales focus on the destination and gloss over the journey undertaken to arrive there. Marriage is portrayed as the culmination of what the couples in such stories go through. They are cursed, battle dragons, escape from dungeons, and at the last find each other together. After what they go through, the reader feels it is only right for them to get married. The hardships they have endured prepare them for what is in truth a greater challenge: married life.

To be fair to fairy tales, they’d go on forever if they talked about the characters’ lives after they were married. But looking at them in their entirety, we see that fairy tales teach us many life lessons. Don’t give up. Fight for the people you live. After first coming to the conclusion that fairy tales are purely idealistic, I later came to believe that there is realism in them. The stories may be make-believe but the lessons are real.

The real deal with marriage

When people get married or enter into a relationship, they should not be blinded by idealism. They should never think that once married, only bliss will come their way. Problems will still arise after marriage. You will still have to deal with each other’s quirks and idiosyncracies. His habit of leaving soiled clothes on the floor will not become increasingly endearing. The annoyance factor of her tendency to ask you what you are thinking when you really don’t want to share your thoughts will not diminish. You may experience financial setbacks.

Married people and people in relationships generally cannot be free from life’s ups and downs. Life is an eventful journey. It is rarely monotonous and boring.

More often than not, idealism is the root of what makes a marriage or a long term relationship fail. Couples forget that relationships take a lot of work. And when the problems start coming in, they start thinking that it’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Couples think that they should not fight or have disagreements. But that is not what a relationship is all about.

If you’re looking at getting into a long term relationship or a marriage, you must think realistically. You must know and accept the fact that there will still be triumphs and failures, hardships and abundance.

If you begin thinking this way you will believe (correctly) that you must work on making your marriage or relationship succeed. Decide now that you will not be the first person to run out the door when a problem arises. On the contrary, you will be up on your toes, fighting for your love and the person that you love. You will be happily working on creating the relationship that you always wanted. You will find bliss in spite of the challenges.

The post Realism vs. Idealism in Relationships appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.