Learn how to utilize advantages like looks, how money and “Game” can attract women with agendas while conveying weakness to high value women (plus what to do instead) and then get a concrete course of action to take for improve you dating life.
A couple days ago, a guy left a comment on our blog that highlights several key issues that many guys are going through.
At first, I was going to simply respond to his comment, but because this is such a core issue, I decided to make this blog post about it.
You can read my line-by-line response to his comment below.
I’ll deal with the issues of utilizing your advantages, how money and “Game” can attract women with agendas while conveying weakness to high value women (plus what to do instead) and give a concrete course of action for the comment writer that will also be helpful for anyone else out there looking to improve their dating lives.
Hi,
I’m a 33-year old banker with a severe dating challenge.
Despite having a prestigious job and being fairly good looking and over six feet tall I have never been in a meaningful relationship all my life.
From my self-assessment, the reason I don’t approach women is because I’m just too stiff and fearful of showing my klutzy self so I pretend not to be interested or cool. Honestly nothing could be further from the truth. Because of lack of practise in this game earlier in my youth I’m so defective in dating dynamics and most women see right through the veneer of confidence I may feign to cover my weaknesses. In the very few occasions I mustered courage to talk to women and start going out with them I inevitably started splurging money on them.
Please help. Is there any hope of turning my klutzy nature to advantage?
Jide
Hey Jide, thanks for you comment. You’re in luck because we’ve decided to breakdown your comment line-by-line and give you advice on everything you mentioned.
I’m a 33-year old banker with a severe dating challenge.
Welcome. You’ve come to the right place. Your story is more common that you might realize.
Despite having a prestigious job and being fairly good looking and over six feet tall
Being good looking, tall and a banker can all be played as advantages… Yet without the proper mindset and without taking the proper action, they can hold you back as well.
We once taught a guy who’s a dead ringer for Johnny Depp, but was at a loss with how to go about finding a really great girl. Even though he had a massive advantage most guys would kill for (looking like one of the world’s most popular celebrities), before he met us he was just as frustrated (maybe more) than most guys.
What’s worse about it was that, since most girls thought he was “good-looking,” he felt extra pressure that he should be doing better. This massively conflicted with his reality of not doing better.
“Everyone tells me that getting any girl should be easy since I’m so good-looking, but I still get shot down more often than not. Why is this so frustrating?”
The fact of the matter is he lacked the knowledge about what actions to take in order to best utilize his advantages. While looks, height and prestige certainly can help, finding girls who are honestly into you is the most important element (these are the kind of women who you don’t need “game” or money with because they are into you, for who you are, and if you were another guy, they wouldn’t be into him because he isn’t you). Only then will those advantages become apparent.
If she isn’t into you right from the beginning, then nothing can even start. Her liking you right off the bat is the ticket to the races.
Key in all this is knowing how to screen out women with malicious agendas, leaving only the women who are actually into you, then all those other advantages work with you to have an even more striking effect on the women you meet who are into YOU right off the bar.
The first step is meeting women.
The next step is screening women.
And I have never been in a meaningful relationship all my life.
That’s good news. Especially for a guy with your material advantages.
If a girl caught you and guilt tripped you into a relationship and/or marriage in the state you’re in right now, you could have ended up losing half your money.
Starting from a clean slate is a great place to be.
From my self-assessment, the reason I don’t approach women is because I’m just too stiff and fearful of showing my klutzy self so I pretend not to be interested or cool.
Sounds like someone somewhere along the line sold you a bill of goods about what you “have to be” in order to attract women into your life. Something along the lines of guys “have to be cool,” or “have to be ‘in state,’” or “have to be alpha,”or “have to impress her with a fancy dinner date,” or “have to have game.”
All of that stuff matters about ZERO when you’re getting out and meeting lots of women, simply as a regular guy, not trying to persuade her to like you.
Once again, a clean slate (stiff and klutzy) is a great place to start. When you’re stiff, you can STILL go and approach women. Some of them might even like you for what you think is stiff.
Her: “Stiff? I didn’t think so! I liked him!”
Likewise, you can be a total klutzy AND still go approach women… And some women might even like you for what you think is klutzy.
“Klutzy? I thought that was totally my fault when we bumped into each other!”
Take one of our favorite role models, Cary Grant. The characters he plays in his movies are always ultra smooth, always gently smiling, always impeccably dressed and always being chased by women. Yet at the same time, he trips over his own shoelaces, tells jokes that no one else gets and makes goofy childish faces… And it works out all in his advantage. He’s even more likeable and human for his slight wackiness.
Honestly nothing could be further from the truth. Because of lack of practise in this game earlier in my youth
The best time to start is now. Colonel Sanders
started franchising KFC at age 65. At the ripe young age of 33, you’ve got plenty of time to turn things around.
I’m so defective in dating dynamics and most women see right through the veneer of confidence I may feign to cover my weaknesses.
Not your fault. These days society-at-large, TV programming, parents, teachers, politicians, religious leaders and the Ice Capades are all cranking loads of junk data on how to relate romantically and sexually with the opposite sex. This inevitably leads many otherwise good guys to the inability to form relationships and/or only being able to find unfulfilling relationships.
Even while “Game” and “splurging money” might help guys find temporary fleeting success, these strategies ultimately communicate to high quality women of self-esteem and beauty (and otherwise normal girls who might honestly like you) that this guy has weaknesses that need to be covered. Those things actually create a lot more problems than they solve purely because of the fact that guys can feel like they get short-term success from both, when in the long run, “game” and “splurging money” can both be huge barriers to creating meaningful relationships with really great women who honestly like you for who you are.
In the very few occasions I mustered courage to talk to women and start going out with them I inevitably started splurging money on them.
Read up on these articles about how to run 1st dates.
Keep them inexpensive – doing so will drive away some girls, which is great, because those girls are gold-diggers, mercenaries, users and attention-seekers. On the other hand, hot, high-value women who are into YOU won’t care. They want to be with YOU – they don’t care whether it’s at the local cafe or a fancy restaurant. Learning how to screen out the ones who have an agenda is the surest path to being able to find, meet AND keep a really high value woman.
Please help. Is there any hope of turning my klutzy nature to advantage?
Here’s a list of things you can do to get started on the path to finding, meeting, attracting, dating and keeping a high-value woman of exceptional beauty and accomplishment:
- Watch Charade starring Cary Grant. While he’s smooth and Audrey Hepburn’s character totally chases after him the whole movie, his character also has a zany, wacky, goofy (maybe you could even call it klutzy!) edge to him that he works to his advantage.
- If you’re not already in shape, start working out several times a week. Sign up for the gym, or for a dance class and/or martial art that interests you – learn to control your body. This may take some time but the immense return on investment will stay with you your whole lifetime.
- Do you live and/or work in a major city with considerable pedestrian traffic? Schedule some time out for a few days this week and spend an hour or two talking to as many women as you can. Simply walk up to any attractive woman you see and say, “Hi. What’s your name?” Say, “Nice to meet you.” Shake her hand. Make her laugh with a short conversation (optional). Then say, “Hey, tell me your phone number.” If she asks why, say “So I can call you and ask you on a date for coffee.”
- Do you live somewhere without many women to talk to? Compile a list of 5 places near where you live and/or work in which you can start meet more women. Your new gym, dance and martial arts studios might be included here.
- Come back in a week or so and tell us what action you’ve taken, what improvements you’ve made, what else you’d like to improve and what you’ve noticed since you started taking action.
You can leave comments on our blog of course, or you reach us via email through our contact page.