Saving a Relationship-Or Not-How to Tell If It’s Worth the Effort
Is Your Relationship At A Standstill?
If you have been with someone for a while, or even if it’s only been a few months, there comes a point when you feel that your relationship has come to a stand still. Things aren’t moving backwards, but they aren’t going further either. The relationship is still there, but it isn’t making any kind of progress in any direction.
This behavior can be annoying or downright frustrating. You might feel that you want to move on, maybe move in together, or maybe you are at the point when you are waiting for the “magic question” to happen. No matter which end of the relationship you are, when things seem to have stopped completely, that is when you know something needs to give. Something needs to change.
There are some things you can do to assess the situation and make the questions in your mind disappear. These tips will help you decide whether or not to fan the flames and keep the relationship going, or if you should blow them out and enter the whirlwind dating scene again.
But what?
If you find yourself in this sticky situation, it can be especially baffling for a few reasons. First of all, the first thought that usually pops into someone’s mind when things are getting stale is “Is there someone else besides me?” This can be unnerving, almost bordering on undue suspicion. Especially if the two of you have been together for a while and you are almost positive there is no reason for thoughts such as those.
There is also the “I want more” factor. It is absolutely possible that you want more out of the relationship but are afraid that your partner might not want to make the commitment. In any case, something needs to be done-And quick!
Assessing the Real Situation
If you plan on doing something about the freeze hold that’s apparently in place on your relationship, there is one thing you need to do first before attempting to rekindle things. You need to figure out exactly where your partner stands. What their real feelings are towards you. Because, there is no reason to put so much work into a relationship that is going stale if there is no chance it will last much longer, is there?
But the question is, aside from outright asking your partner how he/she feels-which, BTW, is something you never want to do unless you are 100% sure of the answer and if you are here reading this, then you are not even 1% sure, so don’t do it-how are you supposed to know?
Stealthy Subtlety
Try this: make some kid of simple, but loving, gesture towards our partner. For example, email him or her saying how much you miss them Or send them a card for no reason at all, except to say you are thinking of them. Or, you could get a little physical with them in a unexpected way. If the two of you never touch and hold hands very often, one day while you are sitting watching TV together, grab your partner’s and kiss it. Or if you are standing in line at the grocery store, turn around to your partner and hug them.
What These Moves Will Tell You
What purpose will this serve, you ask? Well first of all, if your partner appreciates the little thoughtful “surprise” gesture you have chosen to display, send or do, gets a reaction of lovingness or warmth, then you are probably going to be ok.
If your partner has a totally different or unexpected reaction to your advances, however, the two of you may in fact be in trouble. For example, if you reach out to hug your partner, unless you are in a place where you really shouldn’t be doing so, anything other than a reciprocal hug is a sign of a problem. If your mate turns away form you or begs out of the hug a little too quickly, then your relationship is in definite need of some help. If you put on the table a public display of affection, of ANY kind, and your other half seems cold and distant, even though he/she returns the favor, it’s time to look else where.
Another way to tell if things between the two of you are not going so well is if your other half becomes defensive in any way. Or maybe they seem like they are hiding something. Sure, it may just be that you are overreacting to the situation, but there are really some times when this really happens. For example, if the two of you don’t live together yet, does your partner hesitate to have you over to their place? Or do they not pick up the cell when they are with you? Or maybe they do pick up the phone but go in the other room so they “can hear the person on the phone better.” If this seems to happen a little to often for comfort, then it is time to make some serious decisions about what it is you really want.
So, I’ve Made My Decision, Now What?
Well, if you have decided things need to change, or that you need to move on, than good for you! You see, the best and most rewarding decisions a person can make are usually the hardest and the most painful. If you have decided to break things off with your mate, then you will need to do it quickly. There is no sense in leading them on any further. It will just make things worse. There is no point in letting a relationship continue if the only thing it is going to do is end up hurting someone eventually, so better to get it over with asap.
Because in the end, we all want something. Whether it be a commitment, like a marriage or moving in together, what we want is progress. Plain and simple. So when a relationship hits that phase when everything just seems to defy the logic of time and stands completely still for longer than it should, it should signal that things need to change. And for the most part, people catch on quickly to this fact. But unfortunately, some don’t and they wind up being those couples you see together after 40 years and haven’t spoken to each other for the last 20 of them. None of want to be this couple, do we? Of course not. That is why you are here reading this, right?
So figure out where you stand in terms of the relationship, make your decision as to whether or not it makes sense to keep the flame going or not, and do what you need to do. It’s that simple. And, if you can stick to the plan, it will lessen any complications in the long run.