This is a review on how you, Mr Joe Average, can accomplish the task. Of not only going out with, but being in a relationship with Ms Out Of Your League.
First, two main points
One: we are not talking about just one date. This is about building a relationship.
Two: the notion that a women is out of your league should never enter your thought process or vocabulary.
The fact is every women is a person, plain and simple. How you view her and how you first come across are the two most important factors in obtaining a first date with a beautiful women. But beyond that, the goal should be to win her heart and turn the date into a relationship. Notice I said relationship not marriage!!
So why would you want to date a person whom you believe is out of your league in the first place? Until you understand the motivation behind this thought, I would go no further. Are you trying to impress friends or colleague, or are you trying to accomplish something you want?
Of course beauty is subjective. What is beautiful to you, is not beautiful to the next person. We all have different definitions of beauty and if this is all about the physical package then more than likely the end result will surely end in disappointment and most likely failure.
We have all seen at one time or another a program on TV that shows some guy who is basically a geek trying to win over the affection of some centerfold beauty. We have seen it in movies also, such as Beauty and the Beast or the classic, Hunchback of Notre Dame. We have even seen it in real life when you meet a couple where the man is just a regular guy and is dating an incredibly gorgeous babe and no, he is not a millionaire.
This is not a fairy tale but something that can be attained!
If you ask ten women what they look for in a man you will get ten different answers. If you ask ten different women to list the top ten qualities they look for in a man you will find out, there are similar answers to at least five of the ten answers. Those basic five qualities are what we will discuss here.
You can find advice all over the net, in book stores, on TV etc. of many different approaches to go up to a women and first meet them. The reason we won’t cover this here is that there are to many variables on where and how you will first meet her. Whether it is in public, at a bar, online, in church, the grocery store… on and on. We will not delve into those as we assume that the reason you want to meet this woman is because you already have seen her and figured out, how to at least go up to her and say hello. So now that you summed up the will to meet her, here are the five most important characteristics to win her heart.
1. Confidence: If you don’t believe in yourself, then how can you get someone else you meet to believe in you? If you have confidence issues, you must overcome them first. Having confidence in yourself will take care of many of the issues that have sabotaged your previous attempts to meet women. Having confidence automatically dissolves many of the sub conscious physical attributes that manifest themselves unknowingly to you, but scream loudly to her. Confidence in yourself will be shown outwardly by how you walk. Your chin is up, as is your head, your shoulders are back and proud. Remember posture and how they used to tell you in grammar school. Then use it!! Don’t be afraid to put a little swagger in your step. Remember you are a confident man!
How you are dressed. This includes many physical attributes. Remember, You only have one chance to make a first impression. So, that means you know how to dress. If you don’t we have many posts here on MOB to teach you. (note; the first thing a women will look at is your shoes) Well groomed, clean, including fingernails and a haircut. You smell clean, this does not mean a half bottle of cologne soaked into your pores. And please guys make sure you have breath mints! Lastly, it is very important right at the beginning, that you recognize how nicely she is dressed and to pay her a few compliments here. Please don’t go over board but there isn’t a women alive who doesn’t love to hear how nice she looks or how pretty she is.
2. Personality: Women rate this one characteristic of men usually at the top. Women prefer a man to be himself and not put on a show in any way. Women can see right through a fake personality instantly and will be turned off by it. Women want men to be themselves. A good balance in a man’s personality is important to women. Get to know yourself so that you can truthfully present yourself to a woman.
Women are attracted to a man with a sense of humor. Nothing can break the ice easier and make her more interested in you then you displaying a good sense of humor. It’s also OK to be a bit self deprecating but not overly so. It is also fine to be a bit cocky, but again not overly cocky They like a bit of an edge to their man but one who is also tactful and has manners. Please guys chivalry is not dead!!!. And still to this day they want their men to be protective. Please don’t get this confused with controlling. That guy that becomes overly protective, will many times display a sense of being a controller. DON’T.
3 and 4. Communication and Listening: (I put these both together as they belong together. Doing one without the other is worthless.)
Knowing how to communicate well means being a good listener. This is easier said than done. When she is talking, look at her and listen, don’t try to think about the next question, don’t judge what she is saying and by all means don’t interrupt before she is finished.
It is a good to paraphrase what she just said to you. This way you understand what she said and by doing this shows her you are listening and you get what she just said. I am not saying you might agree what everything she just said. You don’t need to try to solve any problems at this point either. You’re just trying to get the facts straight. Knowing how to communicate also means knowing the right questions to ask.
Once she is satisfied that you understand exactly what she said, then it’s time to give her some empathy and validation. This is your chance to tell her what you think of what she has just said. You don’t have to agree as we are all entitled to our own opinions. But if you heard everything she has said and understood it, it is much easier to communicate at this point than turning it into a disagreement or worse, a fight. Remember we all have different points of view and beliefs.
Communicating is a marathon race, not a 100 yard dash.
I remember a saying by Zig Ziglar, who said “ People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care”. This isn’t the time for you to be right, this is the time to learn how to build a relationship by being able to communicate. Just because she might be a knock out in the looks department, does not mean she wants someone who just agrees with everything she says. Hell, she might not have an original idea in her brain, which would tell you quickly if it is even worth trying know this person better. On the other hand, by you listening to her, letting her open up and at first do most of the talking, you will be much farther ahead than the hunk who thinks he can just flex his biceps and have whoever he wants.
5. The Wrap Up: If you did the above four steps correctly, asking her out for a date and maybe the beginning of a great relationship will not be as hard as you thought. By the time of the wrap up she will feel comfortable with you. She will have seen your wit and charm, experienced your manners and know what a great listener you are. She will actually want to tell you more, right then and there. But this is where you need to cut it short and to wrap it up. Do not stay too long, if you played your cards right she will want more. You have built a little mystery about yourself, because you let her do much of the talking. You also made the impression on her, that you are not after just one thing. You also showed her that your confident enough, that she would be foolish not to want to see you again. So for the fourth time you need to wrap it up. I purposely repeated this phrase, to emphasize a sense of urgency that you must leave. You have things to do, places to go. (Even if is only to go home and feed the dog). Remember guys if she is Ms Out Of Your League, that means she is used to men fawning over her, not you. This again will impress upon her, that you are just being your normal self. This will be hard, because there is nothing more you would love, then to spend the next 4 hours with her. But believe me, whet her appetite for a meal with you, instead of the snack you just gave her.
No, all the stars in the sky do not have to line up in perfect order for this to happen. Yes, you the average Joe, can and will be successful on getting an real first date. It isn’t hard if you did the above with ease and grace. That means you need to practice if you feel intimidated and you will. You need to memorize the points you usually fail on, like LISTENING. Like anything else in life you want bad enough, it takes practice, study and by all means being honest with yourself.
We did not go over how to meet someone, as we said in the beginning of this post you already have that down. This we assume you know already. For example: not going up to Ms Out Of Your League in the middle of a crowded loud bar when she is in the middle of four of her girlfriends or “accidentally” bumping into her in the middle of her work out routine at the health club. She , as most women, have heard every stupid pick up line in the book.
Finally, when you are enjoying your second, third or tenth date, just remember where you got such great advice.